Ah, San Francisco, the city by the bay. Known for its stunning views, iconic landmarks, and of course, its penchant for hosting international dignitaries with open arms. And what better way to welcome the leader of the world’s most populous nation, President Xi Jinping of China, than by giving the city a good old-fashioned scrubbing?
Yes, folks, it’s been a whirlwind of activity here in San Francisco as we prepare to roll out the reddest of red carpets for President Xi. And by “red carpet,” I mean a meticulously cleaned, deodorized, and polished one because, let’s face it, you can’t have the leader of China stepping on a dirty welcome mat.
The city’s preparations for this historic visit have been nothing short of Herculean. San Francisco’s public works department has been working overtime to remove any unsightly blemishes that might offend the esteemed guest. Graffiti artists have been temporarily replaced with graffiti erasers, and every pothole in the city has been filled in, with a sign nearby that says, “You’re welcome, President Xi.”
But it’s not just the streets that have undergone a makeover. The city’s famous cable cars, which have been known to rattle and clank like a 19th-century roller coaster, have been replaced with sleek, modern, state-of-the-art models that glide silently through the city streets. Gone are the days of “ding ding” and “clank clank”; now it’s all about “whisper whisper” as they transport the city’s elite visitors.
And let’s not forget about the city’s famous fog. San Francisco’s Karl the Fog has been put on vacation leave, replaced by an AI-controlled weather system that ensures nothing but blue skies and sunshine during President Xi’s stay. We wouldn’t want him to think we have any “foggy” intentions, now would we?
Of course, no visit to San Francisco would be complete without a trip to the Golden Gate Bridge. But don’t worry, they’ve covered that too. The entire bridge has been coated in a layer of gold paint, just to make sure it lives up to its name for the duration of President Xi’s visit. And rumor has it that the famous foghorns will be replaced by recorded messages of “Welcome, President Xi” every hour on the hour.
In fact, every corner of the city has been meticulously groomed, polished, and preened to perfection. Even the sea lions at Pier 39 have been given special grooming sessions, just in case President Xi decides to pay them a visit. They’re now sporting freshly coiffed fur and practicing their best “Hail to the Chief” sea lion chorus.
In San Francisco, we take pride in our ability to roll out the red carpet for our distinguished guests, and President Xi is no exception. So, as the city sparkles and shines in anticipation of his arrival, we can only hope that he appreciates the effort we’ve put into making San Francisco a little bit cleaner, a little bit shinier, and a whole lot more “Xi-citing” for his visit. Welcome, Mr. President!